Blog 105, May 28 2009 Freaking decisions

What the fuck.
I told _______ that I wasnt really all up for going to the prom with her, and she (not happily) said ok.
It fucking took a lot for me to finally choose myself over somebody else, and of course she doesnt respect it at all.
She asked somebody else to prom and he said no.
But our friend Lexi told me that she was going to go with her.
Yet I still get a text today in science saying: Brian said no to her, just go with her.
And I said: I already told my mom that I am not going to her prom, I am going to a-prom
And she says: her parents wont let her go with a girl, you have to go with her.

Is this a sign that I really just dont matter a shit? Because the VERY FIRST time that I have chosen myself above somebody else, I am kicked to the ground and now I just feel nothing but guilt.
FML

Also, two days ago, I am walking in the halls, and Brian and Adam bump into me and start screaming "Geoff you stupid homo." I didnt react (as always, cause then people will raise suspiscion), but I got to my next class and just sat there and thought: If High School is this hard, how is the fucking real world going to be?
I dont even make myself out as the gay guy to more then half of the school and I still am miserable there.

And of course, adding onto this whole thing, I owe my mother 335 dollars.
Ok, complaining over. I'm sure I'll be back to normal blogging by tomorrow.