STRUGGLES. Like wow, this sucks more then somebody in the middle of a blowjob circle. Seriously. I have no words or emoticons to describe all of the stuff running through my mind so I have attached two AIM strings instead. I am gmanz33, the other two people are friends.
1:
[15:05] EthanThaler: AHZOO
[15:06] Gmanz33: i need help
[15:06] EthanThaler: BOUT
[15:06] Gmanz33: Gio is calling me over and over again and I really dont want to talk to him but I am not even sure if he is doing anything wrong
[15:07] EthanThaler: geoff just talk to him
[15:07] EthanThaler: u oviously cares about u enough to fight this hard
[15:08] Gmanz33: Ethan it isnt about that, its just that I am not sure if I even want to be dating anybody right now, its just so hard because I have no feelings or desires towards him but everybody is pressuring me to talk to him and IT JUST FUCKING SUCKS! THIS SHOULDNT BE SO FUCKING HARD
[15:09] EthanThaler: if u dont wanna be with him thn dont
[15:09] EthanThaler: screw everyone else
[15:09] EthanThaler: its up to u not thm
[15:09] EthanThaler: just take time for urself and firgure out what u want
[15:10] Gmanz33: ...
[15:10] Gmanz33: thx
[15:11] EthanThaler: sarcasim?
[15:11] Gmanz33: no
[15:11] EthanThaler: well thn ur welcome
[15:12] Gmanz33: its just really fucking stressful and I dont like him, but he really likes me and by letting him down, I feel like I am letting myself down which is the same exact feeling I would have if I dated him and got fucked over so i just dont know and I am thinkink about just ramming my head into the wall just to possibly knock myself unconscious and possibly forget all about everything
[15:13] EthanThaler: its not ur fault if u dont like him and u couldnt feel gult over it
[15:14] EthanThaler: shouldnt*
[15:14] Gmanz33: BUT I DO... thats why this is just so stupid...
[15:14] EthanThaler: =/ i cant control ur emtions
[15:14] Gmanz33: I dont even know if I am suitable to date sumone right now...
[15:14] Gmanz33: im just to unstable emotionally and I dont think it will help
[15:15] EthanThaler: u ever think that maybe dateing would help u become emotionaly stable haveing someone to lean on all the time
[15:16] Gmanz33: but I just dont feel it for him...
[15:16] Gmanz33: at all
[15:16] EthanThaler: thn he's just not the one and u should feel guilt over anything like tht
[15:17] Gmanz33:
[15:17] Gmanz33: this suck
2:
[15:11] Randometic Angel: I don't want to see that happen to you.
[15:13] Gmanz33: thanks
[15:14] Randometic Angel: I may not act like it but you mean a lot to me hun. I don't want to see you get stuck doing something just because other people want you to.
[15:15] Randometic Angel: Like that day you told me you were getting deperate and thought about Ethan or Tyler. I wanted to either cry or deck you in the face. Both were tempting.
[15:15] Gmanz33: Its not just other people
[15:15] Gmanz33: its my own fault
[15:15] Gmanz33: and emotions
[15:15] Gmanz33: I threw myself into this and I dont even know why now
[15:16] Randometic Angel: I dont know if you'll hate me for saying this or not but here goes: because you were desperate.
[15:16] Gmanz33: ...I hate it
[15:16] Gmanz33: and ur right
[15:17] Gmanz33: but Im not mad at u
[15:17] Gmanz33: ur helping me, I wnt get mad at u
[15:17] Gmanz33: say anything and everything
[15:18] Randometic Angel: You just have to be patient. You deserve a lot more than you think you do. And right now your options just aren't that great. But just wait a while longer, for someone who WILL treat you well and I know you won't regret it.
That is better advice then I could have given
Gah, Its just so much stuff to be running through my mind and my website is probably going to shut down due to how long this post is, but here is the last convo...
3:
[15:18] Giofa36: hi..
[15:19] Gmanz33: hey
[15:19] Giofa36: what did i do wrong
[15:19] Gmanz33: I gots a lots of explaining to do
[15:19] Gmanz33: and u did nothing
[15:19] Gmanz33: IT IS ALL ME
[15:19] Gmanz33: I am just going through so much shit, I will explain it in a bit, I am putting the convo's on my blog, I will give u the link in a minute
[15:20] Giofa36: oh ok
[15:21] Gmanz33: I am really sorry, I was just finding stuff to say because I dont really know what I am thinking, I was just taked up in the moment and I guess that I seriously trashed you. Im so sorry
[15:21] Giofa36: dont apoligize to me
[15:21] Giofa36: its fine
[15:22] Giofa36: did something happend today
[15:23] Gmanz33: no... its just accumulated over so much time, I just dont think that I am ready to be in the spot yet
[15:24] Giofa36: than less slow it down
What the fuck do I do...
I cant tell him.
Monday
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I told him, he asked me why I told him that I did like him. Wow, its because I thought I did, but I dont, I was wrong, I was mistaken, and I used him, whatever, I get it.
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